You Got A Friend...

So I just had to run over here to The Couch and mention that James Taylor and Carole King are planning a tour together...

AAAGHGHGHGHGHHH!!!!!

Winter spring summer or FAALLLLLLL

ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS CAAALLLLLL

and I'll BEEEEE THEERE

Yes I will...

You got a FRIEENNND....

Gnome Sweet Gnome

Heavens to Murgatroyd, where to begin.

10. My back gnome is back. Pregnancy has let the little devil into the house. He follows me around jabbing a screwdriver in my sciatica. Usually when I'm standing still longer than 30 seconds, or walking through a store. I need gnome spray.

9. This stopped me in my tracks today:

http://bloomacious.org/2009/05/food-lemon-bar-lovers-delight/#more-61

I'm frozen. I feel the compulsion to put aside everything else until I've made this. I won't. But I feel it.

I'm telling you. Bloomacious is the new...whatever you love. I mean - lemon meringue cake? Deep breaths. In. Out.

8. Feeling stressed? Crazy, whacked-out insane? Go to pandora.com and make a Vince Guaraldi playlist. It's doing for my soul what conditioner does for frazzled hair.

7. Why am I posting now, as opposed to, say, days ago? I'm posting now because I'm procrastinating, THAT's why. I've taken on a couple freelance gigs, one of which is the size of an ancient Egyptian pyramid. Good part: something to do during this...sabbatical...of unemployment. Bad part: what? unemployment office wants to know when I do this kind of thing so they can deduct my earnings from my unemployment check? What the...Anyway. What's the project? It's an enormous amount of material that has to be gone over with a fine-toothed comb for any copyright-relevant references in it. Ever read something that quotes a hymn? Okay. Well, ever read something and wonder, "I wonder if they have permission to quote that copyrighted text and composition?" Aaaaand there you have it.

6. I did nothing for Halloween this year and it was both poignant and great. I'm too bulging to dress up. Give me yoga pants and a giant sweatshirt. And a heating pad for my back. We'll have lots of fun in the future dressing up Jack as things before he can voice an opinion, then taking photos that Will, Ironically, Haunt Him.

5. There's a fort in my living room right now. Don't ask.

4. OH: documentaries. If you want to laugh out loud and see something really unique, watch "Young@Heart." FANTASTIC. Netflix has it; I'm sure Blockbuster online does, too. Ever wish you could see a bunch of senior citizens singing Coldplay? Today, that wish has come true. They have a blast. It's so bittersweet and true to life. And their "I Feel Good" rendition is just...well, the whole thing leaves me speechless.

3. For some reason, I really love the Curious George movie. I know, this is like three years after it came out. But be that as it may, I love it. Speaking of a movie, did you know babies can sense some light through your pregnant belly at a certain stage, and will sometimes move towards the light source? I knew I was aiming my belly at things for a reason. You and I both know that all babies have a periscope they sneak out of your belly button to get a peek at the world.

2. What's that? You want to know if I'm going to have an essay appearing in an upcoming book? How strange you should ask. What a coincidence. I hardly know what to say.

Okay. We all know that last part is never - ever - true.

But yes, I will have an essay in a book on Sherlock Holmes and philosophy - due out late spring, early summer 2010. My essay will be on death. I'll give you more details when I got 'em. I'm super excited about the opportunity.

And, 1. My friend Melissa and I have due dates a week apart, and recently I was blessed with the chance to see her.

Because when she's not here, I'm forced to do this:

Captain's Log

Aboard U.S.S. Enterprise. Crew has sustained surprising events over the past twelve months and now has fielded new challenges. That, and Spock's been acting funny ever since I beat him at UNO.

After losing a job, spouse losing a job, extended guest visit, and spouse's mysterious three-month stomach illness (Bones tells me it was a Klingon parasite), the exhaust pipe fell off the only three-year-old Enterprise while cruising at normal hyperspace speed. Had to call in intergalactic towing vessel. While Enterprise's makers repaired it, crew adjusted to loaner spaceship during asteroid storm ("rainy day" on earth) but failed to make all necessary adjustments. Crashed loaner spaceship. Crew fine but monitored in sick bay for eight hours as precaution ("hospital" on earth). But apparently after my stay in sick bay, Bones' menu didn't agree with me. On way back to base, in crashed loaner spaceship, I was sick all over the deck.

For kicks, made Scotty clean it up. "Arghh, it's too muuch vomitt, sar, I do na' have enuff pooer in my cleanarr to get i' all."

He had it coming. He beat us all at "Cranium" so badly Lieutenant Uhura cried.

The Pork Roast Remix

A Pork Roast was mentioned here recently, but unfortunately, the surrounding adventure kept getting interrupted.

Ladies and gentlemen, today, The Pork Roast Remix, live, with no interruptions.

(Clears throat.)

It was a dark and stormy night...(or an average autumnal day).

Battling hurricanes, wildebeests, and killer bees, our heroine travels to find sustenance...(I had to buy groceries).

She slogged her way through a death trap of dead animals and gleaming butcher knives...(Sometimes the meat department has great sales. I shop the sales.)

What's this? A pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?...(Some kind of pork cut for a stellar buck-twenty-nine a pound.)

But what does fair lady do with a pot of gold? Ye Olde Stock Market is bad...(I'd never cooked this kind of pork before in my life.)

She worries not. She will Find A Way...(There were basic instructions on the back, which boosted my confidence that This Could Be Done.)

After lugging the pot of gold home on her burro through a bayou of rattlesnakes and Amway salesmen, she presents her treasure to her rugged husband...("Eat something light for supper, I just looked up a recipe online for this huge hunk of sales meat and it won't be

done 'til at least 9 or 10 this evening. In other interesting news, this is the kind of pork 'they' use for making pork barbecue. Now that I have a recipe, I have to go back out and get apple juice and barbecue sauce.")

Our brave heroine follows the ancient wisdom passed from woman to woman on what to do with a pot of gold, putting it in a roasting pan in a hot oven, drenched in apple juice and brown sugar, covering it with foil. She sits in a corner and braids her Rapunzel hair for the four-and-a-half to five hours it takes to roast, then tunes her harp. (I hadn't started watching the new season of "Project Runway," which is fascinating creatively and seamstress-ly, so I caught up on like six episodes.)

But what is this? Disaster! Neither dragons nor invading armies nor the plague can outwit this tragedy...(After following the direction not to open the oven the entire five hours, I opened it when it should be done - to find that not only had the roast failed to be fall-off-the-bone tender, but that it also...still bled when I poked it with a fork.)

Lament! Wail! Rend thou thy garments, woman, and roll around in the nonexistent ashes of thy pork roast. (This oven runs hot: could it be that setting it 50 degrees low like always was too low for a slow roast? It didn't help that I discovered the foil that covered it was wrapped the wrong way. And I don't have a meat thermometer.)

"Sweet husband, fetch thyself some dinner of substance. This pot of gold may be cursed. I have much watching and waiting to do...(From here on out, this Friday night turned into a regular checking of the pork roast every hour to hour and a half. At 1:30 in the morning,

I declared the end to be in sight - another hour should do it.)

After keeping watch over her errant treasure with much trepidation, yon heroine fights the temptation to succumb to despair and rest. She valiantly battles the cursed pot of gold, determined to wrest from it sustenance for her family.

At 2:30 in the morning, as darkness blanketed the heart of the Bluegrass, light shone on the heart of our heroine: 10 hours from starting time, the pork roast was done - tender, falling off the bone. As the heroine felt what little enthusiasm her exhausted heart could muster, she willed to taste the object of her fury.

It was worth it.

Especially since her hamlet grocer kept stores of Stubb's Bar-B-Q Sauce.

Our heroine and her valiant Knight husband consumed the pork roast with much merriment and joy. They ate it and ate it some more. The pork roast continued to give forth much bounty as they thawed what they had frozen and continued to sup on the riches of this mysterious pot of gold. Over a week passed before the entire pork roast had vanished into the valiant Knight's ravenous appetite.

In our next adventure, the heroine outsmarts the pot of gold, knowing it must take lo, many hours - but she chooses to best her enemy by means of a crock pot instead of her oven. Will it survive? Will Valiant Knight be fed again for many moons, or will the roast defeat the crock pot strategy?

Only time will tell.

About nine more hours of time.

Foodzie

Perhaps I've inherited it from my Grandpa.

Well, it, and a wild passion for puns.

The "it" I'm referring to is a keen fascination for unique foods. Now, unemployment being what it is, there are obviously seasons in life created for indulging in unique foods, and seasons in life in which you return to the familiar comfort of the basic (and on sale).

But I love exposure to interesting cuisine. International, ethnic, global; boutique, cottage industry, local; it's fascinating to consider different foods even within the continental U.S. In Wisconsin, they'll make you try cheese curds (pictured left); in Indiana, you inevitably buy fresh sweet corn from a roadside stand; in New England, you'll find yourself staring at a bright red lobster; in the South, someone will make you taste fried okra and pork barbecue. A trip to Michigan will yield venison stew, and we haven't even touched the unique dinner plates on restaurants in New Orleans.

I'm a fan of homemade, too - different denominations, nay, even different congregations have their own specialties (as we've noted in a review of an unfortunate Episcopalian

potluck!). Recently, I was flipping through a cookbook from my mother-in-law's church and discovered several different recipes for something called "Dr. Pepper cake". (That mystery is solved by knowing that Dr. Pepper has its origins in that very region of Texas.)

So it's with delighted fanfare that I mention Foodzie to you. The Pioneer Woman commented on it recently, and ladies and gentlemen, I'm in love.

Do you ever wish there was a bakery nearby besides the purveyors of hard, stale, tasteless bread in Wal-Mart? Do you think to yourself, "my friends in The City have so much to discover and explore, while my options are limited to new display stands at the gas station?"

Welcome to Foodzie. The site describes itself as "an online marketplace where you can discover and buy food directly from small passionate food producers and growers." So while the site gives you one place to go and browse, you're actually purchasing directly from the bakers, candy makers, and so on. There's chestnut jam, spiced pear butter, and strawberry marshmallows; there's Indian curry brittle, orange pecan granola, and roasted red pepper cheese bread; there's buffalo jerky strips, lavender sweet and savory shortbread bars, and dark cacao macaroons.

Some of the products are pricey; some are about what you'd spend on chocolates from, say, Godiva; and some are fairly inexpensive. There are great gift ideas in here as the holidays approach, if you're the "throw together a unique gift basket" kind of person. And it's also an interesting venue if you yourself own a small business or cottage industry and are looking for more exposure. If you're the kind of person who thinks, "that's an interesting combination of ingredients, I think I could make that at home...", then it's also helpful as a springboard for fresh ideas in your own kitchen.

I love the idea of supporting small businesses, especially in this economic climate. My sister-in-law is blessed with a great local dairy in her region, so that she gets milk in glass bottles straight from the town cows. It's fascinating - though pasteurized, it's not homogenized, so you shake the bottle before pouring.

I long for glass bottles of milk.

And Foodzie is another tiny step in supporting small businesses that function like the northern Ohio dairy.

If you have any experience purchasing from Foodzie, let the rest of us know your personal review!

I should add - especially with Salvation Army bellringers just around the corner - that this post is meant in the spirit of luxury, and not every-day treats; our nation's food banks are taxed to the limit, and my appreciation of fine cuisine does not ignore the need for basics and staples in your local food pantries. So if you need to purchase a pastor's Christmas gift, a hostess present, or a "thank-you" gesture, Foodzie might be a unique resource for you; but if you're looking for ways to reach out to your community, there are plenty of people thankful right now for a few cans of green beans. Both are appropriate in their contexts and seasons.

Jindal's Ideas

Check out the credentials on this guy...

Gov. Bobby Jindal has written an op-ed for the Washington Post on conservative options for health care reform. It offers a variety of ideas for the kinds of ways that health care in the U.S. can be improved for folks; and interestingly, it does so in a way that engages him in a key issue for the current administration's tenure.

And you can tell the difference between a politician and a statesman, which are rarely one in the same: I think he has the potential to be a savvy politician and a substantive statesman. Why? Because he actually knows his stuff. It's not hard to sort out leaders who parrot what advisors are feeding them from leaders who generate their own ideas, from their own experience.

A quick glance at his page on Wikipedia reveals this: "In 1996 Foster appointed Jindal to be secretary of the Louisiana Department of Health and Hospitals, an agency that then represented about 40 percent of the state budget. During his tenure as secretary, Louisiana's Medicaid program went from bankruptcy with a $400 million deficit into three years of surpluses totaling $220 million. Jindal was criticized during the 2007

campaign by the LouisianaAFL-CIO for having closed some local clinics to balance the budget. In 1998, Jindal was appointed executive director of the National Bipartisan Commission on the Future of Medicare, a 17-member panel charged with devising plans to reform

Medicare."

And that doesn't include his experience at Oxford as a Rhodes scholar.

You can read his thoughts here, titled "The Conservative Case for Reform":

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/200

9/10/04/AR2009100402003.html

Who knows, he might even give former Gov. Sarah Palin a run for her money with the hunting/fishing folk...

Jack does it again...

Not Baby-in-the-Womb Jack.

C.S. Lewis. "I can't imagine a man really enjoying a book and reading it only once."

Aaaaaand that explains my bookshelves.

On this autumnal day, relish the change of seasons, the feel of a good book propped between your hands, and a nice toasty beverage.

On another note, I'm loving these Estee Lauder ads on the site today. I think it's the color.

Whaa?

There are so many problems in the world. You can get bogged down quickly by thinking about them. I mean, even just last night, the Detroit Tigers lost a big tie-breaking game. Why? WHY? Why do bad innings happen to good teams?

There are so many problems that one has to be careful which to highlight. I have no rubric, no set, standard criteria for what I discuss here at The Couch (um, no kidding...). Mostly, topics here involve what I'm passionate about, or terribly flawed arguments that irritate me, or recipes that I could make over and over again, or bizarre stories from the family archives.

But today, I'm mentioning an actually serious thing. Not just my chicken and dumplings tragedy, not just my terror at a long, endless aisle full of rows and rows of baby bottles. Not that those aren't serious, in their own way, of course.

"With all the horror in the world," you may quote from What About Bob?, "what difference does it make?"

Well, the fact that President Obama appointed a man to help lead Safe Schools who has publicly declared being inspired by a big NAMBLA supporter does make a difference.

Oh. What's NAMBLA?

It...it stands for...it stands for North American Man/Boy Love Association, and no, I'm not making that up, and yes, I wish I was. It's an organization that supports...that supports...

(Eyes shut tight, speaking quickly)

That supports sexual relations between adult men and young boys.

"Wait," you say; "you have my attention now. Could you repeat that?"

(Eyes shut tight, speaking quickly)

The guy Obama appointed to a position of leadership in education has said he's inspired by a famous supporter of NAMBLA. Kevin Jennings is now the Assistant Deputy Secretary of the Office of Safe and Drug Free Schools, in the U.S. Department of Education. On another note, he also failed to report a suspected case of statutory rape when he worked in a local educational system - the case involving an adult male.

I hate bringing up serious things here, Sweetness and Light Central. But it has to be done. I don't care what your political views are, what your ballot said last November, etc. If you want to know what a person believes, don't listen to what they say; watch what they do.

Either A) this is a case of deeply failed vetting - the process by which candidates are screened; B) the appointment was made with little concern about the man's admiration of NAMBLA supporters; C) the guy's views are seen as enlightened and tolerant, and therefore not problematic; or D) the powers that be thought no one would notice.

The gentleman appointed by Mr. Obama is a practicing homosexual. Am I against the employment of practicing homosexuals in political administrations? No. Do I have friends and family affected by homosexuality? Yes. I'm not here today to talk about homosexuality.

I'm here because many people would be concerned that a guy who has a history of activism and extreme educational views** has been placed in a position with a lot of power. What disturbs me most, personally, is that someone with sympathies for an organization associated with what most people still call "pedophilia" now has a national position of power in the educational program "Safe Schools."

It's astounding. Good heavens, it's like...it's like stocking a school system with convicted sex offenders. Not because the gentleman is homosexual; there are many homosexuals that do not support NAMBLA. It's his admiration for a famous NAMBLA supporter that I find astonishing. Further, if I was a convicted sex offender driven from communities by residential laws and living under an overpass (like in Miami), I'd be pretty steamed that I was homeless under a bridge while a guy who actually supported the practice of my crime was appointed to a position of national importance.

Yes, there are a lot of problems in the world. Starving populations, disease, sex trafficking, drug and substance abuse, brutal poverty. Today, I'm mentioning this one, not to start a partisan debate, but to help alert people of all (or no) political persuasions that Something Went Wrong in an important process, and that your feedback to your elected officials is important.

We now return to our regularly scheduled Sweetness and Light.

**This link takes you to an article that references circumstances I deemed Too Explicit for this particular site, because I don't ever want you to associate a gag reflex with reading something on my blog. Well, the cat urine escapade may have already broken that ideal, but you get my drift. You may do your own research from here on out.